My name is Sir Cona MacPherson, I was born in 410 BC to a Druid Priest. While still a child, my family joined a great migration of our people across the Alps to the Po Valley. There we found a plush and fertile land inhabited by an ungrateful people known as the Etruscans who refused to share their land with us. After several large battles and countless skirmishes (many of which I fought in) we finally drove them from the valley. By the age of seventeen my skill in battle was becoming well known. A series of cool summers and an extended period of hot, dry conditions turned the lakes of the valley into marshes unsuitable for our needs.
In 387 BC we traveled south where we came into contact with another people known as the Clusians, they too were not very hospitable. So we showed them the error of their ways. They were no match for our fighting prowess and we were very near to destroying them when they sent a call to the Romans for help. The Romans sent three envoys to us to barter for peace; we followed our custom and agreed to a peaceful existence. Peace was far from the actual goals of Rome. In the night one of the envoys slew a minor chieftain in the hopes that his death would leave us without purpose. This shows how little they truly knew us. Upon the Roman refusal to our demands for the family of the guilty envoy in payment for the life of our chieftain, we marched on Rome.
On the plains just outside the city we encountered a large force of Roman infantry and crushed them, in full view of the horrified citizens. Our chariots ran through their formations as lightning through the air. Few Romans made it to the safety of their city alive.
We laid siege to Rome for seven long months, the boredom broken only by the occasional attempt by the Romans to break the siege. Finally they sued for peace and we made them pay for their insolence, 1000 pounds of gold. They gladly paid us to leave them.
After the siege I traveled north to an area known as Hallstatt. At the old age of twenty-five I met a young woman from the Isle who became my wife. Seven years later our son was born.
This is my tale, but I grow weary of talking, let us eat and drink, I will tell you more when we have filled ourselves with roast and wine.